Last Days

Not sure how to start this post since it has been now nearly five months since Garrett died, but I wanted to let anyone still checking this blog know that myself and those closest to Garrett are living onward and recovering from our losses as healthfully as we can. Just as Garrett wanted us to do. It hasn’t been too hard for me to talk about these events, or Garrett‘s life, but writing them down seemed to trouble me for a while so I am glad to be able to now write a bit again.


In the previous post we shared Garrett's feelings about and reasons for taking a break from chemo and going home from the hospital with hospice care. From the start of hospice through his last few weeks of life Garrett maintained his desire to keep fighting and his hope of regaining strength so that he could return to cancer treatments. He was no quitter even in the hardest times.


We were able to spend a few weeks at home with hospice nurses and our immediate family near, but after completing an urgent blood transfusion Garrett had several seizures causing lack of consciousness at home and we had to return to the hospital by ambulance. In the emergency room they were able to wake him, but he was very disoriented while his brain reset from the electrical storm that raced through during the seizures. A head MRI showed a mass and/or bleeding on the left side of his brain which probably caused the seizures. That night Garrett was courageously trying to regain his vocabulary and communicate, he was able to speak some and acknowledge all of us there. I slept at his side and he woke to talk to me as he could and held my hand through the night.


To add to our impending grief, the next morning we learned that Garrett‘s dad, Tom, had a heart attack after leaving the hospital and died at his home that night. Garrett’s body kept fighting valiantly for a few more days while our family and his doctors tried to comfort him as best we could, he took his last breath October 24th . As proud as I was of his determination, it was a relief to see him struggle and suffer no longer.


Our family had tremendous support from extended families, friends, neighbors and coworkers so we could spend the time we needed with each other and in solitude. After the memorials we took Tom and Garrett’s ashes to the wedge in California where Garrett asked to be and we put them to rest in the ocean there which brought me great peace.


I’ve been here at home with Nacho, Kora, Kimo and Olive where the animals are the same, but everything seems different. Garrett wanted us to all go on and live full and productive lives and I am doing the best I can to do so myself. As painful and difficult as it was to lose him, he schooled me on the useful qualities of will power, love, integrity and stubbornness, and I am glad I was able to make his burdens easier to carry and help him get through this life with as much comfort as I could give. The most worthy charge of my life.


These two photos are the last I took, not pretty, but us getting through daily challenges of living with cancer and Garrett being as brave as ever. 

LOVED his daily iced coffee even during doctors' appointments

The PICC line getting inserted here helped get IV antibiotics in when veins kept closing during his treatments for pneumonia/infections in early October

Hospice Patient and Its Misconceptions

For those of you out there who I haven't been able to reach out to recently, things have been pretty hectic in the Love/Olafson household due to my health.  A series of infections led me to become one of the latest in a long line of cancer patients to become a hospice patient. If you are like me, you may not even know what in the world hospice means exactly so here is a dictionary definition:

a. a health care facility for the terminally ill that emphasizes pain control and emotional support for the patient and family typically refraining from taking extraordinary measures to prolong life.

b. a similar program of care and support for the terminally ill at home.

I fall into category b of that definition.  There are many misconceptions though that come with the word hospice and the largest is probably that people instantly think of death.  I am not dying yet.  Just had a pretty tough week that led MaryEllen and I to re-think some of our options.  One of those options was taking a break from the rigors of chemotherapy and start taking advantage of the benefits of hospice.

(Garrett says he is too lazy to finish this post so this is MaryEllen picking up where he left off!)

We headed into the hospital in the first place because Garrett was feeling weaker and having hard time breathing.  After ten days receiving multiple blood transfusions and antibiotics for pneumonia and staph infections, Garrett is feeling better, but still has some shortness of breath.  We made our escape last Monday after learning about all the services hospice could offer and making a plan with their team to keep G safe and comfortable at home.  Waiting for us at home on our planned return day was an oxygen system, hospital bed and scheduled visits from hospice nurse to support me, Garrett and our families.  Hospice does not provide curative treatments, but they manage symptoms and are available to counsel us at all hours of every day.  Some people with terminal illnesses do get stronger and live longer that expected with the great care of hospice and can return to cancer treatments when they choose, this is what Garrett hopes to do.

We are very happy to be home and to know that we don't have to go back to the hospital because we have such great resources here!