Relay for Life 2011

For the 5th year (every year since Garrett was diagnosed) Garrett's best friend, Jason has assembled a fine team of 24-hour relay walkers to raise money and support for the American Cancer Society in Garrett's honor.  My relay-for-life-donation-taking website is up if you would like to make a monetary donation this year, but in the event you can't donate or want to do more please consider some of the other ways you can support the intent of my efforts - reducing the burden of those who have to face cancer:

-Share my donation page with others who might want to contribute.

-Donate blood or register to be a stem cell/bone marrow donor.

-Write your politicians to encourage them to fund cancer research, protect cancer patients and further health care reform.

-Schedule your own cancer screenings.  (Just being diagnosed early can greatly reduce suffering)  And strive for a healthy lifestyle with activity, variety and everything in moderation, the best preventative so far.

(I will be emailing my website link too, my apologies if you receive this info twice!)

Research, reform and relay!

Health care policy and cancer research will probably be on top of my social priorities for the rest of my life as a way to honor Garrett’s fight by helping those who must follow after him suffer less. The following link is about a specific research project and clinical trial by Tgen that I have been following the progress of for more than a few years. It is one of the best chances other people with advanced basal cell carcinomas have to finding successful treatments. Although it will always be frustrating when research could have helped Garrett, this is outweighed by my appreciation for researchers getting closer to treatments that will work for others, so they must not go without targeted treatment options.


"New drug effective against the most common form of skin cancer"

This kind of progress is also a great reminder why support for medical research should remain a high priority in our agendas and budgets. We can all keep research of importance funded by writing or calling our politicians or making financial donations as we are able to organizations like Tgen, Stand Up To Cancer or American Cancer Society - Cancer Action Network which all support collaborative research in important ways.


Also, my favorite economist and health care policy advisor has a new blog article highlighting how our current employment-based health insurance system works by publicly subsidizing community rated insurance and how the health care reform recently passed is not radically different, but expands the system to be more available and affordable to all Americans instead of just those employed by companies who choose to or are large and thus required to provide health insurance to their employees.  Getting the rest of us closer to the insurance model which members of congress enjoy.

"The economics of privately sponsored social insurance"

Soon Garrett’s friends and I will be starting the 5th year of fundraising for the American Cancer Society through Relay for Life… look out for that post and then make your tax deductible donation, donate blood/stem cells/bone marrow at your local blood bank or get your own cancer screenings done for the year in honor of Garrett and all those who must fight cancer after him!

Last Days

Not sure how to start this post since it has been now nearly five months since Garrett died, but I wanted to let anyone still checking this blog know that myself and those closest to Garrett are living onward and recovering from our losses as healthfully as we can. Just as Garrett wanted us to do. It hasn’t been too hard for me to talk about these events, or Garrett‘s life, but writing them down seemed to trouble me for a while so I am glad to be able to now write a bit again.


In the previous post we shared Garrett's feelings about and reasons for taking a break from chemo and going home from the hospital with hospice care. From the start of hospice through his last few weeks of life Garrett maintained his desire to keep fighting and his hope of regaining strength so that he could return to cancer treatments. He was no quitter even in the hardest times.


We were able to spend a few weeks at home with hospice nurses and our immediate family near, but after completing an urgent blood transfusion Garrett had several seizures causing lack of consciousness at home and we had to return to the hospital by ambulance. In the emergency room they were able to wake him, but he was very disoriented while his brain reset from the electrical storm that raced through during the seizures. A head MRI showed a mass and/or bleeding on the left side of his brain which probably caused the seizures. That night Garrett was courageously trying to regain his vocabulary and communicate, he was able to speak some and acknowledge all of us there. I slept at his side and he woke to talk to me as he could and held my hand through the night.


To add to our impending grief, the next morning we learned that Garrett‘s dad, Tom, had a heart attack after leaving the hospital and died at his home that night. Garrett’s body kept fighting valiantly for a few more days while our family and his doctors tried to comfort him as best we could, he took his last breath October 24th . As proud as I was of his determination, it was a relief to see him struggle and suffer no longer.


Our family had tremendous support from extended families, friends, neighbors and coworkers so we could spend the time we needed with each other and in solitude. After the memorials we took Tom and Garrett’s ashes to the wedge in California where Garrett asked to be and we put them to rest in the ocean there which brought me great peace.


I’ve been here at home with Nacho, Kora, Kimo and Olive where the animals are the same, but everything seems different. Garrett wanted us to all go on and live full and productive lives and I am doing the best I can to do so myself. As painful and difficult as it was to lose him, he schooled me on the useful qualities of will power, love, integrity and stubbornness, and I am glad I was able to make his burdens easier to carry and help him get through this life with as much comfort as I could give. The most worthy charge of my life.


These two photos are the last I took, not pretty, but us getting through daily challenges of living with cancer and Garrett being as brave as ever. 

LOVED his daily iced coffee even during doctors' appointments

The PICC line getting inserted here helped get IV antibiotics in when veins kept closing during his treatments for pneumonia/infections in early October

Hospice Patient and Its Misconceptions

For those of you out there who I haven't been able to reach out to recently, things have been pretty hectic in the Love/Olafson household due to my health.  A series of infections led me to become one of the latest in a long line of cancer patients to become a hospice patient. If you are like me, you may not even know what in the world hospice means exactly so here is a dictionary definition:

a. a health care facility for the terminally ill that emphasizes pain control and emotional support for the patient and family typically refraining from taking extraordinary measures to prolong life.

b. a similar program of care and support for the terminally ill at home.

I fall into category b of that definition.  There are many misconceptions though that come with the word hospice and the largest is probably that people instantly think of death.  I am not dying yet.  Just had a pretty tough week that led MaryEllen and I to re-think some of our options.  One of those options was taking a break from the rigors of chemotherapy and start taking advantage of the benefits of hospice.

(Garrett says he is too lazy to finish this post so this is MaryEllen picking up where he left off!)

We headed into the hospital in the first place because Garrett was feeling weaker and having hard time breathing.  After ten days receiving multiple blood transfusions and antibiotics for pneumonia and staph infections, Garrett is feeling better, but still has some shortness of breath.  We made our escape last Monday after learning about all the services hospice could offer and making a plan with their team to keep G safe and comfortable at home.  Waiting for us at home on our planned return day was an oxygen system, hospital bed and scheduled visits from hospice nurse to support me, Garrett and our families.  Hospice does not provide curative treatments, but they manage symptoms and are available to counsel us at all hours of every day.  Some people with terminal illnesses do get stronger and live longer that expected with the great care of hospice and can return to cancer treatments when they choose, this is what Garrett hopes to do.

We are very happy to be home and to know that we don't have to go back to the hospital because we have such great resources here!   

Ramblings For the Week

It's finally Friday, not that it really matters but I am really glad to see this week go. This has been a tough week, mentally and emotionally for pretty much everyone I have talked to lately.

Physically, I am still struggling to adjust to this stupid deafness in my right ear. Not only can I not hear but it just feels like the right side of my face is just clogged up, kind of like a giant cold in my sinuses but there isn't any cold. I don't know if it's from the increased dosage of steroids that my doctor had me on or what it is but its annoying. Then to top it off I chipped a stupid tooth which has me paranoid that a) that tooth is going to fall out and b) the rest of my teeth are going to start falling out. As MaryEllen wrote previously, one of the drugs I am on (zometta) tend to has a bad effect on teeth and jaw bones, etc.

The newest issue that has popped up is that my leg strength has decreased to the point where I cannot get out of a chair without assistance from someone. This started slowly when I was having a couple of infections where I just started losing strength all over. Well at this same time is when the hearing went away and the doctor increased the steroid dosage. We had no idea that a steroid of all things would cause me to lose muscle strength but when at chemo on wednesday, my primary oncologist found out my current steroid dosage and said it is way too much and is definitely causing decreased strength.

Dexamethasone isn't a drug you can just cut cold turkey so I have to take the next few weeks and slowly get off this drug with high hopes that strength starts coming back. It is very disconcerting to basically be bed ridden while home alone because you are afraid if you go anywhere else you might sit down (or better yet fall) and not be able to get up. Its very tough mentally to always have this on my mind. You take it for granted being able to do everyday things like going out the back steps and coming right back inside until you find yourself on your back waiting for someone to get home and help you up (theoretical scenario of course).

Medically, everything else went decent this week. I had what was I think my fourth treatment of gemcitabine on wednesday which went well. We got to meet with Dr. Ye for the first time in a couple of weeks and actually get some questions and concerns hammered out. One thing that was decided by MaryEllen and I was that we want to take a break from zometta, which is a bone strengthening drug that I get a monthly IV for but upon researching we came across many cases where it has very adverse effects on the mouth and jaw so with a chipped tooth and all I just want to take a break from that and try to eliminate another source of frustration. Otherwise, all the blood levels from my labs were promising. Red cells are staying high for how far away we are from the last transfusion and platelets which have been in the tank were actually up a bit although I did spend a couple of hours at the hospital yesterday getting a platelet transfusion.

Anyway, there's the current edition of the wild ride known as my life. I guess a lot of that sounded really negative and depressing but it really was just a tough week that I don't expect to continue. For one, ITS FOOTBALL SEASON!!! That alone makes me look forward to every weekend. Huskies have a huge game against Nebraska tomorrow. Not really expecting a win, just hoping for a solid performance and improvement. Right.

Chemo #4 + Platelets and sudden deafness! oy!

Last week Garrett had his 4th dose of gemcitabine and platlets fell again so we boosted them last Friday with a platelet transfusion and got more Neumega shots over the weekend.  This week we get off from chemo (yay!)  but we were so put off by the stand in doctor last week that we didn't get to talk about the new and perplexing symptoms bothering Garrett.  So we will go in this week to see his usual oncologist to catch him up and get on with finding answers. 

Over a week ago Garrett woke up from a nap with no hearing in his right ear... no pain or other symptoms.  The on-call doc during his blood transfusion the next day looked at it and referred him to an ear specialist who we went to see last Wednesday.  They tested his hearing and saw no physical signs of trouble from the outside, but found very little usable hearing in the right ear. If it is not related to his cancer or cancer treatments the hearing could recover over the next few months aided by steroids Garrett already takes for radiation damage  (when not related to any other ailment one-eared deafness like this is known as sudden hearing loss). We scheduled a head MRI scan for next week to check on the physical condition around the inner ear and nerves.  If all looks well there we can only wait and hope that the hearing returns on its own over time.

In the last few weeks Garrett also noticed a chip in one of his teeth.  Some of the cancer treatments (especially Zometa) have the potential to weaken teeth so we'll go soon to get this tooth smoothed out and see what options they might have for strengthening the rest of his teeth.  We'll aslo consider stopping Zometa for good since his teeth are pretty important for getting food down and keeping his weight up!  Late night muffins and Starbucks ice cream have been contributing to his weight creeping back up and holding steady.

We've got lots of new challenges to take on these days, hopefully more answers and less questions ahead!

Chemo #3 + Transfusion time

Garrett had low-ish red blood cells and platelets making him feel tired this week even though he is feeling recovered from the infections and eating enough to gain some weight.  They went ahead with a dose of chemo, bone strengthening drug and neumega shot yesterday, but he has to check in to the hospital early tomorrow morning to get a transfusion to boost those red cells and platelets.  It will be another long one because outpatient infusion is fully booked this week (more patients sent to the hospital possibly due to new lower Medicaid reimbursement rates) so the hospital has to admit him as an inpatient.  :(  Just the process of checking in and out adds several hours to the transfusion time!  Hopefully Garrett will be able to sleep at the hospital while all the paper work gets done and I will head in to work for the day while he is there.

We were glad to have last week doctor free though and spent most of the time relaxing around the house and eating good food!